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All
through their lives, certain people pursue a flawless image for themselves.
Their efforts center around one goal: to be perfect and to look perfect. This
is a natural consequence of finding it degrading to make a mistake. The ideal
person, they consider, is one who can project an aura of impeccability.
However,
this “flawlessness” is an illusionary goal. Neither is it one of the attributes
of a believer we find extolled in the Qur’an. For man is inherently weak,
humble, and helpless before Allah and can consequently make mistakes all
throughout his life. No doubt, he will always do his best to avoid mistakes and
sins, yet, being a frail servant of Allah, he will not be successful in being
free of all mistakes. In the Qur’an we are informed that man has faults and
sins before Allah:
“If Allah were to punish men according to
what they deserve, He would not leave on the surface of the earth one single
living creature: but He gives them respite for a stated term.” (Fatir
35:45)
You should
never expect that you can live a perfect life. Flaws, faults, mistakes and
miscues are inevitable and cannot be avoided no matter how hard you try. It
is natural to be upset at someone when they’ve hurt you. The Prophet (sal
Allahu alayhi wa sallam) told us that a Muslim is not allowed to break off ties
with another Muslim for more than 3 days, recognizing that we need time to cool
off. Yet what is unhealthy, and often destructive, is the inability to forgive
and move on.
We
have no right to expect anyone to change to suit our way of thinking. Forgiving
is not an action toward or for another. Forgiving starts with ourselves. Our
intent, our behavior, burden, what-have-you is lifted from our concern.
Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiving ourself about the way we feel toward someone
or something frees us to start new, unburdened by the weight that feeling carried.
Forgiveness is not for the weak. Being
able to forgive those who have wronged you is a mark of spiritual strength and
confidence. Anger is a spiritual sickness; but when you forgive you live. It
doesn’t matter if the other person deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. In
fact, if you want to move on, the best way to do that is forgive. Resentment is a chain that binds you to the other
person, but forgiveness breaks the chain, so that you can release that person
along your anger.
Who benefits when someone holds a grudge?
No one. Forgiving means not carrying a
grudge in your heart against that person. Forgiving means that if you were
given the chance to retaliate, you would choose not to.
“Hold
to forgiveness, command what is right, and turn away from the ignorant.” (Qur’an,
7: 199)
Forgiving is a
proof of the magnificent of one’s soul. Forgiveness
is important for two reasons: first, very
importantly, for the life hereafter. One forgives to seek forgiveness. Seeking
forgiveness is a sign of humility and forgiving others is a sign of
magnanimity. We could recall the
Prophet’s (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) famous saying “Have mercy on
those on the earth, and the One in heaven will have mercy on you” [Tirmidhi].
"Dan
hendaklah mereka memaafkan dan berlapang dada. Apakah kalian tidak ingin bahwa
Allah akan mengampuni kalian? Dan sesungguhnya Allah adalah Maha pengampun lagi
Maha penyayang" (Qs. An Nur: 22)
Second, seeking
forgiveness and forgiving others brings happiness in the worldly life - it's a
psychological thing. In addition, forgiving improves relations with people by
bringing good reputation and respect.
The inability to forgive affects us
spiritually and psychologically, and furthermore, has a detrimental effect on
our health. Psychologists have said that the inability to forgive may cause a
person to repeatedly bring anger and bitterness into every relationship
and new experience. The hurt and insecurity caused by our offender is
projected onto others, because we were not able to move on from our previous
experience. When we take the step to learn from a hurtful experience, we
should be able to prevent ourselves from doing the same to others. It also teaches us
sympathy.One study showed that people who focused on a
personal grudge had increased blood pressure and heart rates, as well as
increased muscle tension and feelings of being less in control.
Accordingly, the
most important step you can take toward healing yourself is to
forgive, even if the other person has not asked for your forgiveness. Once
you are able to let go of wrongs that have been done to you, it changes
everything. It will change your relationships, your attitudes, your emotional
make-up – your whole approach to living. It will give you a better life. Plus,
you’ll find that when you forgive, you’re always a winner. You don’t lose a
thing. Because it’s not a sign of weakness to love somebody who hurts you. It’s
a sign of strength.
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Then, smile. SMILE. Smile to
those who gave you wry face, to those you hate, to those who hate you. Smile to
everything that happens to you; good or bad. It’s a life. It’s already hard and
complicated. Don’t make your life even harder with those grim. Just smile. Plus, it makes you look nicer.
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